December 17, 2009
Introducing a Series of Questions for Healing Relationships
We have conflicts with one another for many reasons. Sometimes a personality trait gets in the way. Sometimes we have a different opinion or value or philosophy of life. Whatever the cause, understanding ourselves is the first step in discovering what we might do to heal a strained or broken relationship.
That is why I have created a series of simple, but not simplistic, questions you can ask yourself as you move toward greater peace of mind, a process that can lead to greater peace between you and another person.
The purpose of the questions in this category is to have you better understand the many facets of your personality and your coping skills as they relate to your relationships. As you do the 19 sets of questions about personality, notice whether some of your traits seem to be more “hard-wired” for you than others. They may be more difficult to change. However, also notice that other characteristics don’t seem to be serving your relationship very well at the moment and may be more amenable to change.
Four Important Notes
- There are no right and wrong answers.
- There aren’t any trick questions with hidden agendas.
- The questions are designed to help you understand yourself and your relationship better so that you can have greater peace of mind as you learn more about yourself.
- Pay particular attention to the “why” questions. That’s where you’ll find pay dirt in these exercises.
Exploring Your Personality # 1: Self-Motivation
ASK YOURSELF THESE QUESTIONS
- If I imagine a self-motivation scale of 1-10 — in which “1” means I am almost never motivated to change my behavior and attitude toward life, and “10” that almost all the time I am motivated to improve myself and see how I might be better than I have been in the past — what rating would I give myself? In other words, do I generally look at ways I can be better or do I generally accept myself just as I am and tend not to spend effort on self-improvement?
- Why do I give myself that rating?
- How would I rate other people in my life, especially people with whom I have a difficult relationship?
- Does the difference or similarity in our ratings make a difference in our relationship?