My First Relationship Stress-Buster

January 31, 2011
Reduce your stress while you work on a relationship.

If you’ve been reading my posts for awhile, you’ll know that I’m learning to create videos. Loving it! A bit time-consuming as I work my way through glitches caused by my ignorance of minor technical points that cause major problems. But all and all I’m looking forward to taking the many things I’ve learned over the years in helping people and putting them into a form that can reach people who want to watch a lesson rather than read it.

Today I bring you the first of what I expect will be many videos to help you reduce stress while you work on improving a relationship. Here you learn the importance of disconnecting stress neurons that are all tangled up with the thoughts you have of another person.

NOTE: The video may take awhile to load depending on your computer, the size of the video file, your Internet connection, your server, our server, and whether you had a cup of coffee this morning. It shouldn’t take very long, but it’s worth the wait.

If you want to read what I have to say in the video, below is a text version of what I said (well, approximately anyway).

Welcome to Relationship Stress-Buster #1

I am Arlene Harder and if you wonder why I’ve put Pumba from The Lion King on my head and set the timer for 1 minute, I’ll tell you. It’s a demonstration designed to show how you can reduce your tension and improve your relationships.

One of the problems with strained and broken relationships is the tension in your body when problems don’t get solved. The neurons in the brain grow ever more tight around thoughts of the other person and the problems you have. We tell ourselves that our bodies will have less stress if we resolve our conflicts. Well, what I’ve learned is that we can feel calm despite our conflicts, and because you are more calm, we are more likely to solve our conflicts.

So what I’ve done is create a series of what I call “stress busters,” that can give you a sense of freedom even while you have a relationship that needs a lot of attention. You can work on the relationship, but your body doesn’t have to suffer while you’re doing it.

This is Stress Buster 1, the first of more than ten and I call it “A 60-second Balancing Act.” Many of them are inspired by a special feature of Support4Change called Take-a-Break. I’ll add other Stress-Buster videos from time to time.

So let’s get started on improving a relationship you have that gives you stress by having a little fun.

Balance something on the top of your head for 60 seconds. As you can see, it doesn’t have to be difficult to do, like using a heavy book or a round object that would roll off. I just suggest you don’t use anything breakable. The only requirement is that you balance it for one minute.

Sometimes I make a face because it’s hard for me to focus on the difficulty I have with someone else when I’m making silly faces. My brain can’t handle silliness and seriousness at the same time. I imagine none of us can.

You see, I’ve learned that no matter how much I want another person to change, the only person I can change is myself. And that can be hard sometimes, so I need things that distract me from the difficulty I am having with someone. What I discover when I’m not focused on getting the other person to change, I am calmer and I’m able to see solutions that aren’t so obvious when I’m focused on the problems I have.

I invite you to do this Stress Buster right now, but before you do, for just a moment think about a relationship that is difficult for you. Notice how your body feels a bit tense, or maybe very tense. Then pick up the item you will balance and do the one minute balancing act.

Notice that while you were balancing something on your head, the difficulty of your relationship faded, even if for only a minute. The tension neurons in your brain were disconnected from the idea of the other person and they were able to relax and, just possibly, open up a pathway to a solution to your relationship.

Look for other Stress Busters in the weeks to come.

Good luck.

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3 thoughts on “My First Relationship Stress-Buster

  1. I really liked that you had your post in a video as well as text. It was a new way, that I haven’t seen done before. It was more intriguing for me. I was also intrigued by your explanation of neurons tellings us we’re stressed. It was a different aspect to understanding stress and how it’s caused. Also, your tone and emphasis on certain words kept my attention and allowed me to understand what you were talking about.


    1. Thank you for giving me encouragement to include the text. I am glad that it helped and will try to include it in the future. I have found it useful with some of YouTube videos, though I don’t plan to give the exact translation of what I say when doing the video. That makes it easier and more likely to be done.


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