Laughter and Disorder in the Courts

August 21, 2014
 Take a break and enjoy these courtroom jokes.

Sometimes I can’t resist telling lawyer jokes. The ones I bring you today were sent to me a couple years ago and I’ve kept them for a day when I figure you might need a lighter touch.

If that day is today, you’re in luck.

I will only share five of them, but they are true stories actually said in courts, word for word. I wonder how court recorders could keep a straight face when they typed these.
 
Giant Gavel

 

ATTORNEY:  Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS:  Did you actually pass the bar exam?

 


 

(Another favorite)

ATTORNEY:  She had three children, right?
WITNESS:     Yes.
ATTORNEY:  How many were boys?
WITNESS:    None.
ATTORNEY:   Were there any girls?
WITNESS:      Your Honor, I think I  need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

 


 

ATTORNEY:  How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS:     By death…
ATTORNEY:  And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS:     Take a guess.

 


 

ATTORNEY:  Doctor,  how many of your autopsies have you performed on
dead people?
WITNESS:     All of them… The live ones put up too much of a fight.

 


 

ATTORNEY:  Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS:     The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY:  And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS:     If not, he was by the time I finished.

 


 

And last:

(Well OK, this is the best)

ATTORNEY:  Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for
a pulse?
WITNESS:      No.
ATTORNEY:  Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS:     No.
ATTORNEY:  Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS:     No…
ATTORNEY:  So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
WITNESS:     No.
ATTORNEY:  How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS:     Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY:  I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS:     Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
 Photo courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

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