Creating Your Love Together

This is the fourth post of advice from Opening to Love 365 Days a Year by Judith Sherven, PhD, and James Sniechowski, PhD.


It takes two people working together to make a marriage work.

— Dear Abby

Right from the first moment you met, when you both began teaching each other how you expected the relationship to be, you were co-creating your relationship. Like a work of art, you jointly shaped what you now have. You are responsible for your choices and therein awaits your power.

If you don’t like how your marriage works, it will take both of you to change and re-create it. If one of you won’t do that, you don’t really have a relationship—because real love requires both of you to be involved.

Intimacy is like a dance. It always takes both of you to co-create the steps you agree to take together. Today, agree to co-create something a bit different than you’re used to. Perhaps you’ll decide to take a walk after dinner holding hands or describe to each other when you felt the most happy in your life. You must CREATE THE INTIMACY of your marriage together.

Reinforce today’s ideas by saying this to yourself:

I know that lasting love is co-created.

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