A Note from Arlene

Arlene Harder

Welcome to the Support4Change Blog!

I have had a continuous online presence for more than sixteen years with four websites, the last of which was Support4Change. Now I am in the process of bringing many of my previous articles here to my blog.

If you would like to learn more about me, please visit my bio page. If you would like to subscribe to my newsletter, you can do so here.

 

Diversions, Part 14: Step Onto the TSS Earnslaw

Diversions for You and Your Friends is a feature of the blog, which appears every Monday. To find out more about Diversions, read the Introduction and Part 1, or you can visit the Diversions Archive.

 

14 - Step Onto the TSS - Bob on boatThis week’s Diversions for You and Your Friends is “Step Onto the TSS Earnslaw.” You can use this Diversion several ways:hiend to read in his or her browser.

1. Online version. Read “Step Onto the TSS Earnslaw” or forward this PDF for a friend to read in his or her browser.

2. Print version. Print the PDF and send it to a friend. I print my cards on both sides of an 8.5” x 11” paper. Then I fold that in half and put it into a 6” x 9” envelope. (You could also just print it out and cut it into four pages, which are numbered, staple them together, and fit them into in a business-sized envelope.)

You will notice that in this print version (and print versions in the future) that there is a space at the top of the card where you can write your own greeting to your friend.

The idea for this comes from a woman to whom I send these cards periodically. She said that she appreciates it when I write a short note with each card. That way, she feels it is personalized. I don’t add much more than her name, and perhaps a short comment I make only to her, but that seems to made a significant difference to her.

So I am now leaving a space in the print version at the top of the first page. Then, when you print it out (on the front and back of a piece of paper), you may want to write something like this:

Sally,

I know that you spend a lot of time working and worrying about your situation, so I thought you would like something to take your mind off your troubles — at least for a little while. Enjoy.

Five Kinds of Guilt

We need some kinds of guilt to keep from making mistakes, but
unhealthy guilt keeps us from functioning as well as we should.

Kona Coast sunset - NOAA.jpg
Public Domain, Link

As a recovering perfectionist, I might have titled this article “Therapist Heal Thyself” because I know a LOT about guilt. I’ve spent many hours in and out of therapy in an attempt to get out from under the burden of guilt I had piled upon myself. So I want you to know that I’m talking about a phenomena that applies to me as much as it does to clients — and maybe, just maybe, it’s possible, feasible, likely, and just a little probable that it applies to you as well.

While it is true that often one shouldn’t feel guilty because “after all, you did the best you could,” such an attitude can also perpetuate the don’t-blame-me-it-was-society’s-fault that is used as an excuse for crimes both petty and serious. Read More

Diversions, Number 13: Crazy English

Diversions for You and Your Friends is a feature of the blog, which appears every Monday. To find out more about Diversions, read the Introduction and Number 1, or you can visit the Diversions Archive.

13 - Crazy English - 6

This week’s Diversions for You and Your Friends is “Crazy English.” You can use this Diversion several ways:

1. Online version. Read “Crazy English” or forward this PDF for a friend to read in his or her browser.

2. Print version. Print the PDF and send it to a friend. I print my cards on both sides of an 8.5” x 11” paper. Then I fold that in half and put it into a 6” x 9” envelope. (You could also just print it out and cut it into four pages, which are numbered, staple them together, and fit them into in a business-sized envelope.) Read More

Beyond Ordinary Listening

This article by Joyce Vissell originally appeared as an article on the former Support4Change website.

Learn how to communicate so fully that your partner can’t help but pay attention and listen to every word.

Jubilee and Munin, Ravens, Tower of London 2016-04-30The art of listening is very important in life and essential in any relationship. Being able to listen carefully assures that valuable communication is passed between two people. Some communication is so riveting that we can’t help but pay attention and listen to every word.

But what about the communications that do not capture our attention fully. These are slower communications that do not pull you right in and perhaps are harder to keep your focus. It is during these times when you can “listen-plus.”

What is “listening-plus”? Though I just made up the name for this article, I have been practicing this technique for many years and it has brought me much joy. “Listening-plus” employs the heart as well as the ears and mind. Read More

Diversions, Number 12: Be Here Now

Diversions for You and Your Friends is a feature of the blog, which appears every Monday. To find out more about Diversions, read the Introduction and Number 1, or you can visit the Diversions Archive.

12 - Be Here Now cactus flower

This week’s Diversions for You and Your Friends is “Be Here Now.” You can use this Diversion several ways:

1. Online version. Read “Be Here Now” or forward this PDF for a friend to read in his or her browser.

2. Print version. Print the PDF and send it to a friend. I print my cards on both sides of an 8.5” x 11” paper. Then I fold that in half and put it into a 6” x 9” envelope. (You could also just print it out and cut it into four pages, which are numbered, staple them together, and fit them into in a business-sized envelope.) Read More