A Note from Arlene

Arlene Harder

Welcome to the Support4Change Blog!

I have had a continuous online presence for more than sixteen years with four websites, the last of which was Support4Change. Now I am in the process of bringing many of my previous articles here to my blog.

If you would like to learn more about me, please visit my bio page. If you would like to subscribe to my newsletter, you can do so here.


How the Hackers Lost and I Kinda Won

The current newsletter is posted here to update our Blog readers on the events of the last few months.

Russian hackers broke into my website three times in the last year and I’ve had enough. Support4Change didn’t have financial information they could use, but that wasn’t their focus.

Instead, the hackers wanted to change my code so visitors would be redirected to other sites.

The cost to fix this and to stay ahead of the hackers has been more than I care to deal with. I already wasn’t making enough from the site to make ends meet and at my age I don’t need the aggravation.
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Ask Yourself Questions and Change Your Life: Part 8

In Chapter 3, “How Has My Past Influenced My Life Today?” explore how your family and your past decisions affect choices you make today.
You can access the already published posts here.


How Has My Past
Influenced My Life Today?

Ask Yourself Questions and Change Your LifeWhether our family consisted of a mother and father, a single parent, a mother and three step- fathers or three step-mothers and one father, two moms or two dads, grandparents who took over the parenting role, foster parents, a commune in the woods, or any other combination of people who take on the responsibility of raising children, it was within that family that we learned our first lessons about goal-setting and the possibility for change.

Within strong and well-functioning families children are able to learn that they have the ability to make wise choices and to be responsible for the consequences of their choices. They learn that striving and failing is part of the human condition and that we all fail at one time or another.

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How Do You Say Good-bye When a Marriage Ends?

A simple ceremony for couples who are breaking up, so that they don't carry excess baggage into their next relationship.

Van Gogh - Paul Gauguins Stuhl (Der leere Stuhl)If your relationship is sailing along splendidly or you are making progress with a marriage counselor, this post may not apply directly to you. But it may apply to a friend who has reached the end of a marriage that has become so distant, difficult or painful that all she can think about is ending the turmoil.

Had your friend sought professional help earlier, her relationship might have been salvaged. But by the time many troubled couples see a therapist, 80% are unable to salvage their relationship.

That is why, several years ago, Lynne Azpeitia wrote an article for Support4Change in which she shared an exercise she uses when couples decide that they need to split. The idea was to explore how they could break up so that they don't carry excess baggage into their next relationship.

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Ask Yourself Questions and Change Your Life: Part 7

In the conclusion to Chapter 2, “Who Am I Today?” explore how you can be sure the dreams you hold are yours, and not someone else’s.
You can access the already published posts here.

Who Am I Today?

Stories That Heal

Ask Yourself Questions and Change Your LifeToo often, people must experience greater tragedy than the ordinary misfortunes that come into every life. In these cases, it is often in the telling of the tragedy that victims are released from the pain and paralysis of the past.An example of this was the basis of a riveting play titled, I Have Before Me a Remarkable Document Given to Me by a Young Lady from Rwanda, by Sonja Linden. The play grew out of the story of a young woman from Rwanda who lost almost her entire family in the slaughter of hundreds of thousands of Tutsis by the Hutus in the 1990s. What started out as the writing of her family’s experience of genocide, so that people would not forget what happened, became, in addition, an act of healing.

For two-and-a-half years she had worked on her book in the refugee camp, wrestling day after day with her enormously painful story, often tearing up the previous day’s work at five o’clock in the morning when she started her daily writing. Even while she was immersed in the process of writing her book, however, she recognized its therapeutic value and said that writing helped her take the pain “away from my heart.” Consequently, she discovered that through telling her story she came to feel “clean” and her nightmares and headaches ceased. As I watched the play and heard her horrendous tale, my heart cried for her and I will not forget her family, or the suffering of her people, which was, of course, the original purpose of writing her story. Read More