The Five Stages to Changing One’s Behavior

Two articles to help you make positive change in your life.

Coastpath south of Treyarnon (4) - - 1473712 How often have you watched someone struggling with a problem that would be easily resolved if only they did things differently? Probably lots of times.

Why don’t they see what needs to be done? Why don’t they enter therapy or in some other way actively work to resolve their problems, reduce their symptoms and retool their lives?

Well, it seems that everyone needs to go through five stages before they are able to actually change their behavior, and to maintain those changes by having insight into how their behavior affects their work and relationships.

Read more about these stages in Transformation Now (or maybe later).

Knowing this is a common process for all of us may make you more tolerant of a spouse, child, friend, etc. who seems stuck in behavior that is getting him nowhere.

Ask Questions of Yourself and Your Friends: Your Ideal Body Image

September 2, 2013

Deepen relationships by asking questions
Number Two

Ask Questions and Explore Answers:  Discover questions you may never have thought to ask yourself and share them with your friends. Come here the third Monday of each month to deepen your understanding of yourself, others, and the world.


Summer is almost over, even if it is still hot where you are. When we go out  we are most aware of what we look like in a bathing suit at the pool or beach, or when we are strolling down the sidewalk in shorts and a sleeveless blouse.

Get where I’m going here? That’s right, these questions are related to what is often a very uncomfortable subject, how we see our bodies.

How did the image you have of your body arise? Are you very accepting of your body’s shape, or not? The questions today can help you uncover the source of a distorted body image. On the other hand, they may help you see how you were able to prevent society’s presentation of only a certain size, namely small, as the ideal mirror against which you view yourself. Read More

The Power of the Serenity Prayer

August 6, 2012
Explore how the Serenity Prayer can impact your life and bring you peace.


A ”Fond Farewell” Article

When I changed Support4Change to a new format, I needed to delete some articles that didn’t fit in the new site but were too good to completely throw away. So I have moved many of them here to the blog, where they will still be available and people can find them by using tags. Enjoy.


The Power of the Serenity Prayer

By Debbie Milam, reprinted with permission

Serenity Prayer medallion -POSSIBLY AADAC or NA b - Flickr - woody1778a

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change those that I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

— 12 Step Program

This prayer has such profound ramifications in the challenging times our country is facing. How can we use this prayer to help us cope with the events that are unfolding?

First, God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. We must accept that our world is evolving. We must accept that the freedom we once took for granted is being challenged. We must accept that are economy is changing. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, literally means surrendering those events that are beyond our control over to our higher power. This can be done through prayer, visualization, and/or writing out our feelings in a journal.

Next, God grant me the courage to change the things I can. What things can we as humans do to change the course of events? Communities have come together in unity and support, now we must continue to look past the color of our neighbor’s skin and see the essence of their soul. Houses of worship have come together in prayer, now let us make faith a daily part of our lives. Finally, we must have the courage to voice our opinions to our elected officials, media and newspapers. This simple act can be a catalyst for great change.

Perhaps the most profound part of this prayer is, God grant me the wisdom to know the difference. Wisdom comes from connecting with the highest, most divine thoughts we hold regarding a situation. The only way we can hear the voice of the divine is to quiet down our minds and our environments. This requires that we spend some time in silence every day. Meditation, deep breathing, and listening to quiet music are all avenues to relate to our Higher Power. Being outdoors in nature also provides a sacred sanctuary to hear God’s wisdom. Attuning ourselves to the guidance of our higher power allows a shift in perspective to unfold. Once we have connected with God, events can then be viewed as opportunities for growth rather than moments for fear. This challenges us to find the blessings in the tragedy and to bring light to the darkness.

When fear, doubt, and worry consume us, we can use The Serenity Prayer as a tool to ground us in the reality of the situation. This grounding will not only assist in creating an internal harmony, but it can also help to quiet down the collective consciousness of our planet. As we enter a new phase in our world’s evolution it is more important than ever to find strategies that can bring us healing, peace and comfort. The Serenity Prayer is an invaluable tool to help us cope with the changes that are upon us.

© Copyright Debbie Milam

Debbie Milam is an author and motivational speaker. She has created Moments of Joy Spiritual Exercise Cards and Journey Into Healing Meditation Tape. You can contact her on her site of BeYourBestFoundation.

 Photo courtesy of Wikimedia Commons


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Revisiting THE SECRET

August 1, 2011
How much faith do you put into the Law of Attraction?

Shortly after The Secret by Rhonda Byrne hit the best seller lists, I wrote a two-part post about my views on the book. Called Where is the “Secret” in THE SECRET?, I explored the reasons I thought people were attracted to the Law of Attraction.

One woman wrote to say that she was going to print out my review and carry it with her. Then, when people started talking about the fabulous “fact” of the “law of attraction” that had been uncovered, she would pull out the paper and read them my views.

I don’t know whether she really did that, but I do know that since the book was published, there have been a number of articles and books that have moved closer to my perspective, even if they use the phrase “law of attraction.”

The idea that all we need to do to get what we desire is to think it possible is fading as people discover success with that approach is not as simple as it sounds.

If you haven’t read my articles yet, and if you have some questions about how the law of attraction works, perhaps you may want to read the articles:

Where is the “Secret” in THE SECRET? —- Part One
Where is the “Secret” in THE SECRET? —- Part Two

I would love to get your reaction to this topic.

Ask Yourself Questions and Change Your LifeBy the way, since I wrote that book review, my second book, Ask Yourself Questions and Change Your Life, was published. In reviewing my book, John Fabian, Ph.D, author of Creative Thinking and Problem Solving, said that “Harder shows that making changes doesn’t require magic, [like the Law of Attraction seems to imply] just clarity, courage, perspective.”

Check out what others are saying about the book and discover a clear path to reaching your goals.

How Honest is the Story You Tell?

July 11, 2011
What is your narrative? What story do you tell to explain who you are and what your life has been like?

Light blue front dorr with plants around itIf we’re given a choice, the style of door we select and the color we paint it says a lot about us. A house with a glass door without shades or curtains presents the owners as people who aren’t afraid to show others what the inside of their house looks like.

I think this particular house is more welcoming than a house where a solid door stands between windows where all the curtains are drawn. Of course, since it is the door to my house, I am not an impartial judge.

In any case, we can only guess what lies behind most closed doors, for a closed door primarily symbolizes our right to determine who will be allowed to enter and who is excluded from our personal, physical space—as well as being an attempt to keep out mosquitoes in the summer and cold in the winter.

Similarly, the clothes we choose to wear once we leave our house, assuming we aren’t clothed in our birthday suit (which would certainly speak volumes), offer clues as to how we want others to see us.

Further, when we interact with other people, we automatically expose some of our thoughts and emotions, although we may try to keep as much of that inner space protected as possible. Even if we don’t say anything, we’re sending a message. When we do talk, what we say and how we say it can open a door to our true selves or hide some part of who we are that we don’t want others to see.

In the words and gestures we use to tell it, every story we tell expresses a purpose, or at least tries to. One story is meant to let others know that we are a victim. Another story shows how smart and accomplished we are. We fudge the truth because we’re afraid others will not like us, will not think we are as smart as we want them to believe we are, will not give us the benefit of the doubt we give our own actions, and so forth.

I am not suggesting that you have to be totally honest and open about every aspect of your life with every person you meet. There are legitimate reasons to hold back some parts of you from the scrutiny of others.

It is important, however, if you are to understand yourself, that you pay attention to what you want others to know about you—and whether or not you are willing to be open and honest in your stories.

Virginia Woolf once said that, “If you do not tell the truth about yourself, you cannot tell it about other people.” I might paraphrase it a little to say, if you can’t tell an honest story about yourself, you aren’t likely to recognize truth in the stories of others.

Here are some questions about expressing who you truthfully are:

If someone at a social event asks you who you are, what is your answer?

If you tell someone about your life, what do you choose to tell, and what is it about you that you want to promote by responding that way?

Here’s a question to put this topic in action:

When you next tell a story about yourself, will you pay attention to the effect you want that story to have on your listeners — and notice how truthful you are?